The Divine Purpose of My Ankylosing Spondylitis Diagnosis

I’ve written about how receiving an ankylosing spondylitis (AS) diagnosis shook me to the core and became part of my identity for a long time. I felt doomed.

The literature told me that pain and disease progression would increase with time. This expectation became a self-fulfilling prophecy in my life for a while. The pain got progressively worse. The disease had won.

During that time, I was focused inward. In some ways, this response to an incurable diagnosis is understandable. It had disrupted my routine, rhythm, and reality. My focus on disease became a preoccupation as I sought to find a new normal.

My world became affliction-centered. I constantly talked about, feared, researched (oh so many hours late into the night), and provided others with the news and updates of The Diagnosis.

It consumed a constantly increasing amount of conversation space with others. My life became fixated on disease and finding a solution. I made the mistake of forgetting about my deep faith in a divine plan.

Life-changing experiences

Even when not associated with chronic illness, hardships, I believe, are never barren. I often find my struggles to be accompanied by unexpected opportunities if I choose to focus outward. My diagnosis, for example, allows me to walk alongside others who face health struggles and empathize with them. People have unexpectedly opened up to me about their own pain. I’ve even noticed that people have softened in their interactions with me.

Although they’re painful, I believe God sometimes tucks trials into our lives to allow us life-changing experiences and opportunities. This trust in divine orchestration has brought meaning to my suffering.

When future trials undoubtedly come my way, I don’t want to forget the lessons I’ve learned from my struggles with chronic pain. I want my past affliction to prepare me for future uncertainty. I aim to keep my head up and look for opportunities that divinely open up to me because of my trials. Suffering initially seems bitter, but it ultimately can add sweetness and meaning to our lives.

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This blog post was originally published on April 3, 2024 in my Just Keep Swimming column @ Ankylosing Spondylitis News